My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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