guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Randomize
