the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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