I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Found your dick twin last night
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
