Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Randomize
