Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
