none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
