Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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