I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
