Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
