Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
