My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
