turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
