she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
