I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
