We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
