So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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