Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
