I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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