He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
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230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
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she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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