New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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