god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
