I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
