take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
