But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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