I feel like I'm in dance class right now
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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