How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
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She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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