dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
