I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
