just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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