I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
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