i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
