This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
