Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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