btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
