My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
