mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
