I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
