Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
