Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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