Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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