Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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