it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
