oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
