I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
