ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
