Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
