Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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