Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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