I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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