so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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