dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
you didnt know i had herpes?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
