If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
