My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
