first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
