You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Randomize