What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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