I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
