should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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