alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
