margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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