ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
