no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
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Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
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Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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