she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Randomize
