what day is it and did you see me today?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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