he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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