You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
