peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize