Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
