I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
