She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
