this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
