I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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